I Need a Lift
You’re on a road trip. You don’t know the exact destination, but you trust you’ll know it when you see it. In the meantime, you do have some thoughts about the kind of place you’d like to end up. Maybe you want to be near water. Or you want a hot, dry climate. Maybe you’re set on someplace urban. Alternatively, maybe you’d rather it be a small town with a cute Main Street.
Some of these things sound nice to you, some would be a bonus, some are must-haves, others would be a deal breaker. With all that in mind, though, you’re leaving your options open and trusting your inner compass to lead you in the right direction. Meanwhile, you’ll enjoy the sights and stop now and then to check out new places and/or roadside attractions.
It would be easy to assume I’m talking about writing. Specifically, about what some call “pantsing,” which means to write without an outline or definitive plot. To “fly by the seat of your pants” and let the story reveal itself as you go, or let the characters decide for you. And the road trip analogy could be applied to that as well. But I’m actually thinking about my writing “career.”
Yes, in quotes. Because I’m not sure I have one? There are things I’d like to achieve, but I don’t think my metaphorical car will hold together long enough to reach some of those destinations. And despite trying to find and build support systems for myself… I don’t really have what I need to get where I want to go.
This is the truth for so many creators. We’re told if we’re good enough, if we try hard enough, if we want it badly enough, etc. That “not making it” is our own fault. Because if we’d wanted it badly enough, we’d have tried harder and done better. But it’s just not that simple. We don’t all have the same resources. And while we may be heading in the same general direction, not all of us want to end up in the exact same place.
So, what are my options? Settle for where I am and learn to like it, even if it’s not where I really want to be? That is also the reality for many people. “Bloom where you’re planted,” we’re told, but what if there isn’t enough sun or water or the pot is too small and our roots are cramped?
I’d like to hitch a ride, maybe. Which means finding a mentor, someone who wants to be on this journey with me (or will let me be on the journey with them). I’ve had many a writing group but I think I need an accountability partner, someone invested in me and my work (and I would do the same for them). Does such a person exist? Dunno. I’ve picked up any number of fellow writers in past legs of my journey, and they’ve eventually decided to stay at other stops rather than continue traveling. It’s fine; they found places they liked and were ready to settle. I hope one day I find a place like that, too.
As an undergrad, I had a wonderful old professor who not only got me into grad school with his letter of recommendation but would email periodically to check on me and my writing. He passed away from cancer many years ago, sadly, and I miss him. I miss having someone who was honestly interested rather than passively patronizing. (And yes, I always asked about his own work, too.)
I know not everyone in my life is going to be able to show support for my work outside of mere words. They ask what I’m writing but aren’t actually interested in the answer, in the same way a cashier asks, “How are you doing today?” It’s a formality. In terms of my writing journey, it’s the same as having someone admire my car, even though they know nothing about cars, and if I break down somewhere, not only are they not a mechanic, they’re probably not even going to make the effort to come pick me up. I need other, real, dedicated writers in my life. People who have taken this road before me, and some who are still on it with me, rather than just those who have glanced at the map.